Now here is a post of the utmost relevance. My husband and I are currently living with his parents. Yep, that's right. We're in our 30's, at the beginning of our second year of marriage, and several months ago embarked on another gypsy journey which landed us in Austin, Texas. We didn't plan to stay here, we were actually headed for Virginia where we thought we would live with my mom and step dad for a few months until we set up shop.
Well as it happened, we kinda decided Austin is the place for us to be for a while. It's an awesome town, but I'll get into all that jazz in some future post. The point of this one is that we are living with my husband's mom and dad, his grandma, his younger sister and her husband, and his youngest brother. Yep, there are 8 adults living in a house together, living our separate yet intermingled lives, and doing it pretty well considering all the obvious things one would consider when pondering such a situation.
It's not always pretty, it's not always comfortable, and sometimes it can be annoying (due to a certain news channel my father in law likes - I hope he doesn't get mad if he reads this). I'm not sure I can remember the meaning of privacy, but we've learned to cope with it. Before a few days ago we hadn't slept in a room with a door since August. But despite all the implied circumstances that come with being newlyweds living with the parents and the rest, each of us living together is doing a really great job at going with the flow.
The hardest part for me is not having my own quiet space to which I can retreat for meditating, praying, working on a craft, chatting on the phone, or writing. Basically, I'm lacking a workspace. But my man and I have accepted that this is temporary and in reality is not that bad. We count our blessings, and it helps to remember how much we love and are loved by our family, especially when we're frustrated. After being there a few days and before we knew we'd be there for a good long while, we set up our tent in the back yard so we could 1. feel like we were always camping in the great outdoors, which we both love and 2. not hear morning noises of people getting ready for work and the late night sounds of family members who stay up later than the rest. This tent is our sanctuary, and my afternoon retreat on many days. And it sure beats naked time in the living room with the looming threat of an intruder who has to pee before bed....But anyway, now that it's actually cold outside, we don't know what we'll do when we get back...
The way we've taken this bag of lemons and turned it into a yummy gooey lemon square required group effort. We had some meetings as a whole family, and decided to take turns cooking, cleaning, and doing various chores. After that first meeting, we noticed we were eating dinner together as a family most nights, and the kitchen was remarkably cleaner. And we could all live with those positive changes! It was amazing to feel like this family I married into really valued my opinions and feelings on things, and I think that lead to me feeling like more of a tribe member.
Another thing I try to contemplate when I get irritated or uncomfortable or can't escape the news is that there is a very important lesson coming to me through this living arrangement. Establishing a sense of community and actually experiencing it in real life is something most Americans will never get to do, and that might be a huge part of while our society is suffering so many consequences of striving for 'individualism' in every regard. By learning to live with so many other people, and learning to take into account a variety of different needs, interests, and levels of involvement, I am also learning discipline, patience, and acceptance - of all our differences. And, the biggest thing, I remember every day how lucky I am to have people who care for me, who make sure I am fed, who offer to rub my back or loan me a heating bad when I'm hurting, who share books and stories and neat things they pickup when they see something that reminds them of me.
It is a very special bond that has formed with me and my in-laws, and I believe also between my husband and the family he was born into. I have learned about them and their traditions, and they have seen what happens when I eat too much sugar (and they love me anyway) - which is always embarrassing after the fact. But all of this has come through devoted awareness to one's surroundings, through paying attention to the nuances of everyone else's needs and behavior. And even though it's crazy sometimes, it's a really beautiful thing to witness so many people living together and caring for each other the way it is intended.
Don't get me wrong, we are looking forward to the day in our not so distant future when we have our very own place, but I will always be grateful for the opportunity to live this way, as an intentional community, with the family I chose to join when I chose to marry my husband.
